i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
