My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
