I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
