I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
