CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You took a bar mat shot.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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