I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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