margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
