Sponge bath it is.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
