I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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