I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
