I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
