so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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