This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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