The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
