pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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