my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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