I wish I could teleport
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Mom said you looked used
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
