I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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