you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
