What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
