I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
