I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
