When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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