She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
