you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
