I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
