is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
