i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
