i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
