Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
