Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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