ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
