Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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