from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I DEMAND FORESKIN
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
