paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
