Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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