We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
