Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Found the puke drawer
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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