I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
