I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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