if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
