Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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