Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Your penis caused this!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
