On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
