At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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