Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
