Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
His hands were made for my vagina.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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