no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
