her vagine was all disorganized.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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