theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
FUCK WHALES
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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