Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
