so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
