I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
