Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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