She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he fucked my hip out of place.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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